*Here is a teaching tip for physics professors: When a student tries to paraphrase something you have just taught, feed her or him the following line: "I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant." This will guarantee that the student will not interrupt your class again until the next semester.
*Q: What is the simplest way to observe the optical Doppler effect? A: Go out at and look at cars. The lights of the ones approaching you are white, while the lights of the ones moving away from you are red.
*Q: What did Donald Duck say in his graduate physics class?
A: Quark, quark, quark!
*Einstein's favorite limerick was:
There was an old lady called Wright
who could travel much faster than light.
She departed one day in a relative way
and returned on the previous night.
*A little boy refused to run anymore. When his mother asked him why, he replied, "I heard that the faster you go, the shorter you become."
* A six-year-old boy spotted Albert Einstein walking down the street and decided to try out his favorite joke on him: "Mr. Einstein! Why did the chicken cross the road?" To which the famous physicist replied, "My young burgeoning mind, see question does not have a definite answer.Wheether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference."
*Q: If H-two-O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? A: H-two-O-CUBED
*Q: What is the name of the molecule CH2O? A: Seawater
Related to computers:
*Here was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.When asked to define himself he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" ; He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
*Definition of an upgrade = Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
*The day Microsoft will make something that doesn't suck is probably the day they'll start making vacuum cleaners.
*What's the difference between Windows 95 and a virus? A virus does something.
*A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem.The project manager said: "Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination."The computer programmer said: "We have here the driver's guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive."The computer operator said: "First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem."Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: "Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."!!
*Q: How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day? A: Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."
*The programmer to his son: "Here, I brought you a new basketball." "Thank you, daddy, but where is the user's guide?"
* The Programmers' Cheer Shift to the left, shift to the right!Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!
*"Have you heard about the object-oriented way to become wealthy?" Answer is: "Inheritance."
*If you can pick it up, it's a PC.If you can't pick it up but you can push it over, it's a minicomputer.But when you can't pick it up or knock it over, it's a mainframe.
*Unix is user friendly. It's just very particular about who it's friends are.
CIA - Computer Industry Acronyms
CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
SCSI: System Can't See It
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
DOS: Defunct Operating System
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
PnP: Plug and Pray
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
DEC: Do Expect Cuts
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
CA: Constant Acquisitions
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You're Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.
